"It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times."
-Mark Twain
So I have a little problem that I alluded to yesterday, I have been forced to make a change in my life.
I have never had the easiest life. I'm not saying mine has been harder than others, but it has been hard nonetheless. People have always tried to take my personal freedoms, they have tried to clip my wings. Sometimes they have won, but I will tell you one hard truth. No one has taken my freedom since the day I brushed the sand off of my jeans and left the homeless streets of Vancouver forever, and no one will take it ever again. I have fought for everything I have, whether it be the clothes on my back or the company I keep. It is mine, I have shed the blood, I have wept the tears.
Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, then it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted. We all have the hurdles that are thrown at us. We all must address them in OUR way. I for one have always been subjected to being alone. My family moved a lot when I was young, and it seemed every time I had finally made friends I was pulled back like the small child that could never reach the brass ring on the carousel. It made me quite introverted over the years, with almost a crippling shyness. I fight it all the time but it's one of those things that lives in the back of our minds that I can't control. It led me to needing constants in my life. The constants could be anything, my beloved dog Reno, a favorite shirt from years gone by, a recipe for some soul food from my Grandmother, and most importantly, a cigarette.
I know smoking is the shits. I know what it does, I know what it does to others. Hell, I used to flush my mothers cigarettes down the toilet I hated them so much. But until the day I find "it", or the "one who", I need it. My mind races sometimes, a cigarette slows me down. It lets me pause to remember, it allows me to look forward into the future, it lets me reflect on all that I have, all that I had, and all that I want.
I would like to think I have always been a courteous smoker. When the new laws came into play in 2000, even though there was leeway, Kelly and I permanently moved to the patio without a single complaint from either of us. And there, over the years we found our band of brothers. We came together, smokers and non-smokers alike. The best people I have known in my life I have bonded with through that patio. Beyond no doubt I found a great part of what I have been looking for in my life through the smiles and stories of that patio, and I would like to think I had the same affect on them. Pericles once said "What you leave behind is not what is carved in stone monuments, but what you have woven into the lives of others." And I hope I have had that to offer to some people, because I know it was given to me.
Now the patio is gone, but it is not gone physically, it is just empty. Empty of the stories, empty of the laughter, soulless and cold as when we first found it. And I now once again find myself alone. And why did this happen you ask? One cannot say for sure. I know a few people had a problem with a gate being locked meaning they would have to walk an extra 10 feet to get into the bar. This opened it up for non-smokers to walk through and be exposed to our cloud. I can't really blame them for being angry, but I tried to stop it by having the gate locked. I wouldn't really say it was a selfish action on my part, I would question the intentions of those that wanted it unlocked. Then again maybe I tried to take away their freedoms once and don't remember. (If there is some award for sarcasm, this should be a shoe-in.)
So that's it. That's all. I will not return until it is the way I want it, which is only the way the district wants it. I know, seems kinda odd.
As Green Day would say:
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Until then I walk alone
And a little Woody Allen just for the hell of it:
"And remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."
3 comments:
It sucks hon. I don't see the big deal with people walking to that sliding door to enter the pub - hell, it aint the main entrance - they should get over it! It's flippin smoke that you pass through for a couple of seconds - it's not that bad!! That's what pubs are for. You can jack up on heroin in the streets of Vancouver but God forbid you lit up a tabacco stick. I don't smoke, but I really don't give a rat's ass if someone else does. I don't like that people I love smoke - I know it's horrendous for them and I want you all to be healthy and alive. But also, I can understand. If someone took away my wine - well, let's just not go there. :)
You said it best in the post--we came together. From junior high to the pub, good,bad or indifferent, the smoke pit was always "where it's at"...
You probably saw all the smoking quotes on the intro-web but I got a kick out of this one...
Tobacco is a dirty weed. I like it.
It satisfies no normal need. I like it.
It makes you thin, it makes you lean,
It takes the hair right off your bean
It's the worst darn stuff I've ever seen.
I like it.
Yikes....did I miss the memo? Actually I haven't dropped in myself since last Sunday....not because of deck politics, but because of stupid inside acts.
As a frequent back-door-walk-in-guy, I can say there are actually more steps to go through the patio than the front door, if one is headed for the bar.
I just like to walk down those inside steps from the deck, and watch myself instantly lose 20 pounds in that wonderful mirror beside the kitchen door.
Maybe I'll write a letter....play the Liquor Police/overserving complaint card as leverage.
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