I Don't Know What it is...I Just Don't Have That New Car Feeling

So my business partner and I have this little thing where we like playing pranks on one another. Typically harmless, you know cancel someones hotel reservation, walk out on a bar tab, stuff like that. Childish, but ever so amusing...until now.

Let's go back in time a ways (feel free to wave your arms in front of your screen for effect). About 5 months ago I ordered a new vehicle for winter, a big SUV jobby to get me through any unforeseen winter madness. At the time who knew we would get one of the worst snowfalls on record.

I loaded it up with everything. Running boards, GPS, fog lights, and leather bum warmers of course. About a month later I got a call from my good buddy and business partner Laurence. He had a car he was having problems with, and was asking for a little help. There had been a shunting accident on one of the rail cars hauling our vehicles out from Illinois. One of the cars was damaged back enough that the depreciation allowance we provide our dealerships wouldn't cover the actual repairs.

The conversation basically went like this. "Buddy, it's like this car was made for you. Full load Eclipse, lowered, Sirius Satellite, ground effects, you name it."

"What kind of damage was it Laurence?"

"Johnny...it's like a few scuffs on the bumper, maybe a couple grand worth. Minor."

"You know Laurence, I already have a new truck arriving in a couple of weeks."

"Oh, I know, to make things easier, I'm just going to take that one off of your hands. That truck is more my style, not yours. This car has your name all over it."

I agreed, and have been mired in regret ever since.

When I was in meetings in Toronto in December one of my other partners asked me with a snicker if I had received my new ride yet. I asked him why it was so funny, only to find him break out in laughter and run out of the room. Once he returned, with watery eyes no less, he coughed up the truth. The car had gone clear off the top deck of a rail car and landed in a ditch on the prairies. The current estimate was $15,000 in damages.

That was 3 months ago. The car was sitting on a body shop for 3 months!! I finally had enough a couple of weeks ago and placed an irate call to Saskatoon. The manager stated the car was ready, but they just needed a part for the window. I told him to just send it, we would fix it on the coast.

The car arrived a week and a half ago. The owner of the dealership that received it called me and said there was no way the car could ever be sold. He sent me a list of deficiency's.

• The bumper is mounted crooked and painted the wrong colour
• The headlights are on crooked
• The passenger window is missing
• The entire front bulkhead is painted the wrong colour
• The top cover is missing off of the engine
• All splash shields are missing
• The speakers are sitting on the floor and one of the door panels is missing
• The door handles are missing
• All the clips are missing for the rear bumper
• There are scratches all over the instrument panel, console, and the one existing door panel

And the list goes on and on. 3 months this thing was in the shop!!! Then last night I found out that the new local body shop I have sent it to found that the entire front sub-frame is bent. You can literally put your fingers in the gaps between the fenders and the doors. The total repairs are now over $20,000 and heading higher.

You know for someone who goes through cars like toilet paper (I've had more than 40), I shouldn't really be one to complain. But at the same time, does anybody want to be the passenger in this car when I make one of my famous 2 and half hour drives to Kelowna??

I didn't think so.