I figured the best way to start this years list was to look back and see what has happened to the losers from last years list in the past year. This serves two purposes. First, to show the staggering accuracy of the list, and secondly because I've been too busy to finalize this years list (there's still time, you can make it on if you really want to.)
So on that note...let's go back to the future and see what those crazy kids have been up to.
1. Ryan Seacrest- Continues to battle rumors of his sexuality. To help take his mind off things he produces TV shows such as Momma's Boy, and Denise Richards: It's Complicated. To quote one TV critics take on his endeavors..."Denise Richards' life is one stinking pile of pig poop...literally." Good work Ryan. Shine on you crazy diamond. You're already in hell and you didn't even know it.
2. Michael Vick- Michael filed for bankruptcy a few months ago. It would seem his 20 million dollars in debt can't be supported by the dollar a day he makes in prison. He is about to enter a halfway house, and somehow believes he will be reinstated by the NFL by August. At that point he will surely be signed by the Oakland Raiders. Playing for Al Davis IS hell on Earth, so I'm okay with that. Personally, I think somewhere out there is a bullet with Michael's name on it.
3. That Lilydale Turkey Guy- Within weeks of last years list his ads were pulled (I'm not taking credit, I'm just glad.) I was hoping they were pulled for charges against him related to public misconduct with a turkey, but alas, it just turned out viewers didn't like pompous french people. Career is over Turkey Man, auf wiedersehen.
4. Barry Bonds- Barry was not even offered a contract for 2008, and has still not been offered one for 2009. He is on the threshold of many more MLB records and it would appear no one is interested in helping him get there. He does have one thing to look forward to though, he is going on trial for obstruction of justice in March of this year.
5. Anonymous- You're not even a factor anymore. Well done. Don't let the door hit you on the ass.
6. Bill Belichick- After losing to the Giants in the 2008 Super Bowl. The Patriots started their next season by losing Tom Brady in their first game. They did end up going 11-5, but lost the division to Miami. For the record Bill is still ugly and his mother still dresses him funny.
7. Axel- Axel was fired a week before Christmas. One quick piece of advice for everyone. Be careful who you step on when you are on your way up, it just may come back to haunt you. If I had a tail right now, I would be wagging it.
8. Seung-Hui Cho- While the people at Virginia Tech have been healing. Seung Hui has been in hell getting a watermelon up his ass daily at 1pm.
9. YVR, Canadian Border Services, and the RCMP- While the Dziekanski case drags on, one of the RCMP officers involved wanted to guarantee his seat in hell by drinking and driving and killing an innocent young man. Cpl. Benjamin Robinson killed Orion Hutchinson October 25th. Get ready Benji, the watermelons are waiting!!
10. George W. Bush- What can I say? George's legacy has spilled more ink than the Valdez spilled oil. The U.S. economy lies in ruin. Hell, the world economy lies in ruin. And all rivers run from a source, in this case the oval office. Way to go Georgy Boy, we knew you had it in you!! Only 16 days to go my man, personally I think you still have one colossal fuck up in you, lets see what you can do in those 16 days. I will end this one on a high note though, I believe we have one of the strongest leaders in modern times stepping in. I'm intrigued by the possibilities.
So there you have it. The class of 2008 definately kept up their end of the deal. 2009 coming up.
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